Category: Random and From the Heart
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The Things People Don’t See
People see me back at work, eating again and getting my life back. What they don’t see is the depression, the fear, the 25 pounds gained in one month, or the handfuls of hair I’m losing. Three days. That’s all the hair in these pictures represents. I’m recovering physically, but emotionally, there are parts of…
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I’m Better. I’m Not Okay Yet.
I’m getting better. I just wish getting better felt better.
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Yesterday, I Needed Quiet
For the past few weeks, I’ve been sleeping more than I have in a long time. I’ll wake up only to fall back asleep again. Projects I’ve been excited about sit untouched. Chores around the house feel bigger than they should. I honestly don’t know why. Yesterday was no different. I almost didn’t go.
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The Things Beneath the Thing
Lately I’ve been reminded that trauma rarely lives in one moment. It weaves itself through years of experiences, attaching itself to people, words, memories, and feelings we don’t even realize are connected. This week, my brain decided it was finally time to show me a few of those connections, and as uncomfortable as that was,…
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241 Days Later
For so much of the last week, I have been focused on what felt broken. The Body Dysmorphia. The RSD. The exhaustion. The darkness that likes to lurk in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity to convince me that I am weaker than I really am. Monday reminded me that while those things may always…
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Loved Anyway
After several days spent battling Body Dysmorphia, RSD, exhaustion, guilt, and self-doubt, I walked into my first confession expecting to leave feeling lighter. That isn’t exactly what happened. What I found instead was something I wasn’t looking for: reminders that even in the middle of my mess, my mistakes, and my struggles, people kept showing…
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The Whys
Some days sadness feels heavy. Other days it’s not sadness at all. It’s exhaustion. The kind that settles into your bones after you’ve spent days fighting battles nobody else can see. The kind that makes simple decisions feel overwhelming and turns every unanswered question into something larger than it probably is. Friday wasn’t about answers.…
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Am I Enough?
Most people saw an ordinary Thursday. I saw a woman standing in front of a closet with tears in her eyes, trying to understand why a few extra pounds, a first confession, and the absence of a familiar routine could unravel her so completely. The answer wasn’t really about any of those things. It was…
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Where Love Stays
Dave welcomed me into his life with open arms and a smile that made you feel like you belonged. Five years later, I sat beside his bed as his final days unfolded, holding his hand and trying to make sense of the quiet, painful reality of goodbye. This is the story of those final days,…
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When Your Reflection Doesn’t Look Back
What people don’t see is how much effort it takes to keep myself from disappearing when it’s like this. How every small decision feels weighted. How I bargain with my own body just to stay present. I am not dramatic. I am not fragile. I am fighting something quiet and relentless that knows all my…
